Looking back…

I try not to too much anymore, which means only 1 in 7 things I’m thinking about at the same time … as I tend to walk down the paths of memory too much.

That said, there’s things about myself I can’t change.  Things I’ll never understand about other people.

After those, there are mistakes I made though … from trying to be too accommodating.  After a period of time with a particular lover, my lover whom I was hoping to live with for the rest of our lives, almost marriage if you wish to think of it that way – I could not treat my other lovers badly, just to make her feel better or good.  I also could not demand the time from her schedule of netflix & assignments for her college.

These things, I regret.

I see her daily, I’m fine with it, but I can’t help but notice how far she’s come from the person before I met her.  I’m proud of how much better she is now.  How less self-conscious she’s become. There’s some guilt here too though, as she’s less quiet and restrained than when she was with me.  She’s more fun and a free spirit.

It makes me wonder if I was the reason she was less fun & free when she was with me.

That’s a pretty crummy thought.

Que sera sera?


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