I try not to too much anymore, which means only 1 in 7 things I’m thinking about at the same time … as I tend to walk down the paths of memory too much.
That said, there’s things about myself I can’t change. Things I’ll never understand about other people.
After those, there are mistakes I made though … from trying to be too accommodating. After a period of time with a particular lover, my lover whom I was hoping to live with for the rest of our lives, almost marriage if you wish to think of it that way – I could not treat my other lovers badly, just to make her feel better or good. I also could not demand the time from her schedule of netflix & assignments for her college.
These things, I regret.
I see her daily, I’m fine with it, but I can’t help but notice how far she’s come from the person before I met her. I’m proud of how much better she is now. How less self-conscious she’s become. There’s some guilt here too though, as she’s less quiet and restrained than when she was with me. She’s more fun and a free spirit.
It makes me wonder if I was the reason she was less fun & free when she was with me.
That’s a pretty crummy thought.
Que sera sera?