Shaped by my experiences. See link when I finally post it.
I wanted to write this part first … this tends to be an all in sort of description. There are other modes of operation. I have had friendships with sex and no plans of building a life linked together. I have had just sexual relationships with zero contact outside of naughty messages and steamy meetups. What I want to describe here, is this ideal of what I consider to be healthy for relationships. Ideally, this would describe the healthy things in poly-amorous & monogamous relationships.
My view stems from several areas:
- Happiness – there should be no limit to the happiness for a person. Except where they are intentionally and directly taking it from other people to achieve their happiness.
- Suffering – both self inflicted and externally inflicted. Life can sling some heavy issues at us. Our closest friends, family and lovers are on the inside of our daily filters. We opened our hearts to them and they thus have the ability to hurt us in ways most of the world does not … it is one of the definitions of intimacy. From wiki:
- Control, personal control of all actions. Absolute lack of control over the other person, you release your attempts to control someone in favor of real healthy love.
- Responsibility for oneself, both actions and happiness. Not having to give up part of what makes you happy just to keep up the relationship.
- Complete and 100% truthfulness – no games, no deceit, no lies, no hidden or unknown details. At least between lovers. Who can you be honest with, if not these people? Would someone not knowing and finding out hurt the relationship? Would the knowledge there is something you did not share with them hurt them?