From, “Love is not enough”…

Just saw this pop up on my feeds

Love is Not Enough

Really interesting about his comparison of John Lennon and Trent Reznor.  Definitely casts a different light for my history of music.  I never really felt the need to know anything about either party.  It definitely gives John Lennon a Justin Bieber or Kayne West type of ego-case / media induced insanity / abusive slant.  Makes me question all of the people who worship at the feet of the Beatles as a wholesome saint status and instead, I find myself comparing them to people who trip all over the latest rock or rap act no matter how closely they resemble the common criminal on the corner once you strip away the money.

Back to the article … What I really like about it is how he summarizes the points well.

For example, not all relationships will work.

I am torn on the compatibility portion, as there is a premise out there about how you do not need to solve fights or points, so long as both people can be mature about their opinions. The premise being you will never agree on everything, what makes the big things “different” from the “little” things?  Essentially, after evaluating how important it is to you, you double check why it is important.  Things like for music taste … “he’s not a Beatles fan” … seems little, but it affects you every time you hop in the car.  Other things like welfare support or not & other political conversations turn out to be far less important as they can be pursued individually.  Questions about vaccinations or circumcisions have very immediate and unchangeable consequences.

Where I see it being important in compatibility is does one person’s emotional triggers fire off the other persons?  Someone’s need to withdraw from a fight before it makes them start taking cheap shots emotionally, trigger another person’s anxiety for the future of the relationship.

Another example…

His “friendship test” … or would you tolerate that behavior in someone who was just your friend.

If not, why would you hold someone who loves you and you love them to a lower standard?  

I have felt this forever.  My old version or test was, “would we still hang out if not dating?”  The gold standard of a relationship, what happens when it is done?  If you are not friends afterwards, there were some pretty serious issues and probably some poor behavior.  There is another version of this … least effective litmus test is the waitress test.  How does the girl I am on a date with treat the server at the restaurant … especially if they are the same gender.

The most effective test of a person’s character, how does someone treat the people around them that have nothing to offer?  I am not talking about giving to charity or people who have disagreements with the person  you are dating.  I am talking about the person behind you in line, the one in the hallway who dropped their folder and papers are flying everywhere, the one who you have no idea where they came from, but looks lost at the party.

One thing touched on by Mark’s writing is the gift giving thing.

He presents it as a negative or a distraction…this is a compatibility thing too, for many people giving something is a sign of caring.  Obviously, it can not replace time spent together and it should not be bribery, but it’s well documented that there are several forms of attempting to connect…gift giving being one of them.  While it does not speak to him, for many it is an essential part of the connection process.

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