I don’t want this misconstrued as anyone should try and work things out with an abusive person (man or woman).
I found this article awhile back, every now and then I read it and fall in love with the story again.
I hate the explosive or pervasively angry fights. I am told most people with my medical diagnosis, also have issues when they feel accused of anything. For me, without hard facts, I am not able to see enough to recognize that this is a situation where I need to meet someone half way. This is different than normal for me. I am told the emotional logic in situations, especially for females is different – like when you break down a conflict and both people state they were acting out of hurt. I believe some of it is the gender stereo type of females as the peace makers in the family. I definitely see many, many couples where both parties play the crap games of doing things – both little and large – to hurt each other.
For me, I have had to be the one to calm and control the situations in most of my relationships. My memory tells me, that I must be perfect in regards to making a safe environment…of course that has to be false. I do feel that, in making sure I do not overly express my frustrations and angry explosively, many of the women I have dealt with have seen it as weakness – as they are not afraid the way they would have been with other men. It comes out in their trying to use explosive emoting to get what they want. I unconditionally end the relationship if my girlfriend yells at me. It is a pretty clear sign that they have a different value and idea of what a relationship entails. It is tough to respect a person who lets them self get out of control. I want a woman who values and respects the discipline and effort I put in to the relationship. The explosive conflict means she is does not respect me, she takes me for granted or she is not my equal in self-discipline.
Back on track though, the article, where a woman writes on how she calmed herself and then the situation with her significant other … which is pretty amazing.
Note: If this guy had been abusive, it could have gone horribly wrong. If anyone hits you, ever. Get out.
With that said, the story of one woman … remarkable, because it is so rare:
Note: I do not agree with many things on this woman’s blog, especially the promotion of game playing and reverse psychology (Like, “when I withdraw, you need to chase me” or “When a woman yells and screams, you need to be unemotional”), but this particular article is good.